I have never been a religious person. Not because I’m cynical and not because of science. I just have never been able to make that leap of faith that religion requires. I believe in the good fortunes I’ve received in my life, in my family and friends, the places I’ve been and seen, and the experiences I’ve encountered. I’ve also never fully understood religion. It was something for other people, but not me. I don’t look down upon it or avoid it. It was just always there; affecting many around me but not me.
These past couple of months I have been helping my counterpart prepare for an English teachers program in America. It’d be an amazing opportunity for her to not only see the States but also learn new teaching methods from an American university and meet countless of other English teachers from all over the world. A year and a half ago, she could barely understand when I spoke to her. A year and a half ago, this would not have occurred to her to be in her realm of possibilities. But here she is today, in the final six. The application was a tedious process. We spent nights together writing it, asking for recommendations, and finding the proper documentation. She was the underdog. We come from a small town with few resources and little support. Many of our teachers couldn’t care less about improving the education they provide. It was a long shot, but I knew she had great potential. She didn’t tell everyone that she was applying. Only I, her family, and a select few knew what was happening. The select few were the people who do nimaz, those who prayed five times a day. “Pray for me,” she told them. She was so nervous when she hit the send button for the application. She knew I wasn’t religious. She also knew my father wasn’t religious. “Please Claris, asks your mom to pray for me.” And I did.
A week later she received a phone call from the US Council requesting an interview in Baku. We took a taxi early in the morning. Arriving in the capital three hours before her appointment, we grabbed breakfast at McDonald’s. She could barely sit still. Then we left for the embassy. I waited for her in the Turkish café across the street with a cup of Ceylon tea. When she was done, I watched her cross the street from my window table on the second floor. I could tell right away that she didn’t feel comfortable about her performance. “It will be okay,” I assured her. “I’m sure you did great.”
“I just pray to God that everything will be okay,” she replied.
While waiting for the bus to leave home, she received a phone call. “Yes?” she asked. A smile began to curve its way upward. “Yes? Yes!” I grabbed her arm, heart pounding. “Thank you so much!” She hung up. “Claris, you can’t believe!” We both would have jumped up and down in celebration if it weren’t for our cramped seats in the back of the bus. Everyone turned to watch our explicit excitement. She began to call her friends and family. “I made it to the next round! Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for praying for me.” And when I left her, “Claris, please thank your mom for praying for me. And can you ask her to pray for me for the TOEFL test?” And I did.
The next few weeks I helped her study for the TOEFL exam, but it was difficult. The material was just too difficult to cover in such a short time. I have never seen her look so worried. My parents sent her a Barron’s prep book. A couple days before the test she told me, “I think everything will be good. Because I have you, I have my book, and I have many friends to pray for me.” She hugged me.
I get it. I completely get it. Religion is comforting. In a place like here where life can be so unpredictable, religion gives warmth and security and hope. It’s faith in someone that will answer you; who will take care of you. It’s support. Watching her, at times I wished I had that unwavering faith; that I could make that leap. But without that faith, I can’t say that I believe in God. But can it only be God that we put our faith into? Because I have faith; I have a lot of faith. In fact, I have a lot of faith in people like her. And that should count for something.
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