This afternoon my host sister was baking a cake and I was sitting in the kitchen with her watching how she made it. I wish I hadn’t seen it and just eaten the damn thing obliviously. Now I must eat it (and I say “must” because well… regardless of what I know I’m going to eat it) knowing that I just took a year off my life. The actual batter was okay. But then she cut off a huge chunk of butter equivalent to about two and a half sticks. I gasped. She said “What?” I said “Chox yag!” (Lots of butter!) My host mom looked up the recipe and said “No that’s about right. Lots of cream.” I am going to have clogged arteries tomorrow.
I have this kind of rivalry with a cleaning lady at my school. I guess I shouldn’t say rivalry. She kind of just hates me. My old director had given me a room in the afternoons without really checking the schedule so in the beginning I had a lot of spatial issues that I needed to work out which resulted in using a different classroom every day. At first it was fine. I would try to explain how long we would be in there and she would leave. But then it started getting to the point where she would make me leave and then make me wait for her to clean the room first. I think it was just seeing me in different rooms that ticked her off and also, she just never looked the nice xanim (older lady) that would invite you to chay anyways. At about the same time, she also started ignoring me despite my greatest efforts to communicate with her. Then one day, she busted into my room during my fifth form club screaming at two boys. Not one person told me what was going on. She hustled the boys out. I found out what had happened when they came back. Apparently one of them had peed on the wall. They had to clean it. Not good. She hates me.
Have you ever met anyone from Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, or Uzbekistan? I haven’t but apparently I look like them. I was buying a doner (Turkish sandwich) when a man came up to me and simply said “Kazakhstan?” I said no. He walked away.
I’m organizing a talent show for my convo clubs in May and for my 8th form kids I asked them to write a plot for a play. I was reading the girls’ and it went something like this, “One woman, daughter in castle. Other woman give toy soldier. Then, soldier wake up and fight King of Mouths. He kill King of Mouths. They went to other land far away.” I was so confused, but as I worked it out with them slowly I realized what story they had written. They had seen the Barbie version of The Nutcracker on TV!! (mouths=mouse meaning King of Mice. Get it?)
Yesterday I had a break between classes which I had scheduled to lesson plan with two of my teachers, Figume and Govher. This rarely happens because they tell me “Have a rest teacher. Have a rest.” I found them with another English teacher, Billura, in the hallway. The bell rung but still they stood and chatted. Govher’s son had just gone to the army so Billura cooked him some plov to take with him. Turns out Billura had a class to teach but it was 10th form so no one came. They were acting so secretively. Suddenly I was being shuffled into her classroom with the three of them glancing nervously behind and giggling. They sat me down, put a small container of this plov in front of me, and ordered me to eat. Students finally came trickling in and every time the door opened, they hid the plov. Finally, Govher and Figume were too scared to stay, worried about the director catching them in there. I stayed and talked with Billura. She told me that the three of them have been good friends for 20 years and calls them “The Three Musketeers.”
The past few nights, my host family and I have been having major dance parties. Since I’m having a talent show in May, I’m choreographing a Michael Jackson montage for three of my 9th form kids. Being the MJ aficionados that they are, my host sisters and host mom have all offered their help… by watching MJ music videos every night for two hours and trying to copy his moves. We’ve been trying to learn Smooth Criminal, Thriller, and Bad. It’s been pretty hilarious watching my Azeri women try to hip thrust and moon walk every night.
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